Hell Breaks Loose
by DuckonMooseEh
Summary: Ok, this is a story based on Evanescence's Fallen CD. May not get to update as often as I'd like... Anyways, Please read and REVIEW.
1. Default Chapter

Well… for this to stay within the boundaries of the challenge, I have to stay "in touch" with the music. So that means a cymbal crash in the song has to be represented by something in the story. A crescendo or a accelerando has to have an increase in action or something like that.

Anyways, this is probably one of the most musically complicated songs I've heard in a while (at least that I like). That means that I'm trying to do justice to the song, to the show (all hail the Teen Titans… bow down and worship them, for we are unworthy…), and to the challenge. I had to think for several minutes before I started to write this. I usually just start randomly writing stuff.

Anyways, please keep in mind that this story is from Raven's point of view, although she is… I dunno. To not give to much away, she is in Nevermore, but its slightly different, since well… she has a certain condition.

Ok, well, here goes nothing…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Raven awoke in Nevermore… for several seconds her blood ran cold from not waking in her bed, but then she recognized the surrounding terrain.

_Why am I here? _she wondered, _I don't remember anything…_

She heard words, spoken softly around her. They seemed to be coming from everywhere and nowhere at once. It was creepy to hear it.

"We… unfortunately were unable to rescue her," one voice, an older sounding male, said. His voice was filled with a sober intelligence.

_What?_

Raven looked at the 'sky', wondering what had happened to bring her here… and who and what the person had been speaking about.

"What do you mean, you couldn't rescue her?" a familiar voice shouted.

_Beast Boy,_ she thought, _I'm so confused…_

"I'm sorry, we did everything we could… I have other patients to attend to," the man said. There were footsteps, and the sound of a door opening and closing. An angry growl echoed through her mind, voiced by Beast Boy, and she heard several people approach. She could feel their breath on her face, although, technically, they weren't breathing on her face.

"Look at that," Beast Boy said. He seemed to be choking back tears, "Her eyes… they're so peaceful right now."

Even though people had looked at her, and especially in her eyes, when she was in Nevermore before, she had never been able to tell that they were looking. It was just a shell, no feeling could be sent through it.

How can you see into my eyes, like open doors 

This time was different. This time she could feel him watching her, and it was at once comforting and frightening. She wouldn't have been surprised if he could actually see Nevermore…

"They look kinda… empty," he said. She could hear the other people moving around her bed to get a look.

Leading you down into my core Where I've become so numb… 

_Where the hell am I?_ Raven thought loudly. She looked around, trying to find one of her emotions. She needed to know what was going on. A gentle breath skimmed across her face, warming her.

**Without a soul**

**My spirit sleeping somewhere cold**

Until you find it there and lead it back home… 

"I can almost see her in there," he said.

Raven looked up, able to see him, as though he was floating in the skies of Nevermore. _You are seeing me, you idiot!_ Raven shouted at the floating head that looked sadly at her.

"I should have gone immedietly… I could've helped," Beast Boy said.

"You didn't know this would happen, B," Cyborg muttered, "And even if you did, there's no guarantee that you coulda helped her." General murmurs of agreement met his words.

"You don't know that!" Beast Boy shouted angrily, "I might've been able to save her! We're all responsible for her death, you're just not going to admit it!"

_Wait a minute,_ Raven shouted into the emptiness of her own mind, _you mean I'm dead? _For a moment her heart froze… if that was possible, seeing as she was supposedly dead.

**(Wake me up)**

**Wake me up inside**

**(I can't wake up)**

**Wake me up inside**

**(Save me)**

Call my name and save me from the dark 

_I can't be dead, _she thought desperately, _if I am… then how am I in Nevermore?_

"She's not dead!" Beast Boy suddenly shouted, shaking her from her thoughts.

_Yes! If you weren't you, I'd kiss you now, Beast Boy!_

****"Beast Boy… I know you don't want to admit it," Robin said, "but she is dead. Nothing can change that."

"You're wrong!" the green boy yelled. There was the sound of a chair sliding and hiting a wall, and he disappeared from the sky.

_Beast Boy,_ she yelled silently_, I need you to bring me back!_

**(Wake me up)**

**Bid my blood to run**

**(I can't wake up)**

**Before I come undone**

**(Save me)**

**Save me from the nothing I've become**

Raven really needed to think… so she gave herself several seconds before her panic rushed back to her.

She wasn't dead yet, she knew that… but this wasn't Nevermore… not exactly. It was too quiet for one. She ran, trying to get to the portal and back to reality.

_I may not be dead yet,_ she thought, _but something tells me that if I stay here too long, I will be._

Now that I know what I'm without You can't just leave me… 

"Listen… we have to get back to the tower… We need to be sure nobody uses this opportunity to get off a quick crime."

_No!_ Raven screamed to her… friends, _I need you to bring me back!_

"I'll stay," Beast Boy said, "just for a while longer." He appeared again, hovering over her.

_Thank you!_

Breathe into me and make me real Bring me to life… 

She sprinted to the area where the exit would normally be… but it was gone.

"Raven," Beast Boy murmured, looking at her again, "What can I do to bring you back? I know you're in there."

_How am I supposed to know? You have to figure this one out!_

**(Wake me up)**

**Wake me up inside**

**(I can't wake up)**

**Wake me up inside**

**(Save me)**

Call my name and save me from the dark 

He gazed sadly at her, not realizing he was literally looking at her.

_Don't just sit there and stare, stupid! Find a way to wake me up!_

**(Wake me up)**

**Bid my blood to run**

**(I can't wake up)**

**Before I come undone**

**(Save me)**

**Save me from the nothing I've become**

"I will bring you back," he said. There was the sound of movement, and she felt him grab her hand. It was weird for her to not see his hand, but to feel it enclosing hers.

_Yeah well… You think you're gonna get anything for this, you're wrong_, she mumbled, blushing.

Bring me to life 

**(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)**

**Bring me to life**

She needed to tell them the truth… in case this happened again, she didn't want to risk her emotions taking over her body after her death. They had to destroy it quickly next time. No more lies.

Suddenly she realized that he was alone with him. The others had left. It was suddenly very cold, realizing that they hadn't cared about her enough to stay. Beast Boy reluctantly let go of her hand.

**Frozen inside without your touch, without your love, darling.**

**Only you are the life among the dead.**

Beast Boy looked down at… her arm, she guessed. Then she felt a shock of fear course through her body. She had cut herself the night before, through her clothing… what if he saw? The look on his face showed that he did.

"What is this?" then he gasped as he realized what he was looking at… and why it was there.

All this time I can't believe I couldn't see 

**Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me**

"Raven, you said you were fine," he said accusingly to her supposedly lifeless body. He was torn between anger and sadness.

_I couldn't tell you Beast Boy, _ she said sadly, _I wanted to, but I couldn't_.

"How could I not have realized you did this?" he moaned to himself, a tear dropping silently from his face.

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems Got to open my eyes to everything 

She suddenly realized she could've trusted him. He would've been able to genuinely help her.

_Beast Boy, for the love of God, WAKE ME UP!_

**Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul.**

**Don't let me die here.**

**There must be something more!**

**Bring me to life!**

"Raven, you've been hurting yourself, and I could've stopped you!"

_Beast Boy, please!_ She screamed _I don't want to die!_

"There has to be a reason!" he yelled. He gripped her hand firmly, shouting, "Wake up, Raven!"

Everything began to brighten. Nevermore was fading into reality. Raven could see the hospital room.

_Yes, Beast Boy, bring me back!_

**(Wake me up)**

**Wake me up inside**

**(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside**

**(Save me)  
Call my name and save me from the dark**

"Raven?" he demanded, gasping. He put his fingers to her neck, checking for a pulse, and tears of joy fell from his eyes.

_Almost there!_

**(Wake me up)**

**Bid my blood to run**

**(I can't wake up)**

**Before I come undone**

**(Save me)**

**Save me from the nothing I've become!**

Raven gasped, feeling herself slip back into her body. She was alive.

"Thank you," she mumbled, looking into Beast Boy's eyes.

"Doctors… NOW!" Beast Boy shouted to the closed door. Then he looked at her seriously, gesturing to her bloody arms, "We need to talk."

**Bring me to life.**

**(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside.)**

**Bring me to life.**

"Yes," she said weakly, "No more lies."

Sorry its been so long. Hopefully more soon.


	2. Going Under

Allright, well, I'm going to state this right off… Raven A. Star has already used Evanescence to write a bunch of one shots. Now on a challenge I'm going to write a series using them. I'm also going to include Broken as a kind of "wildcard". If I get stuck, I'm gonna use that. If I don't get stuck, it'll be the last chapter.

Yeah, if you've read any of my other stuff, I know I promised to have a bunch of stuff up for the first series I started… unfortunately, I got sidetracked in San Diego while I was there for band (it's a lot of work being a section leader during a band trip…). Also, I've started another songfic series based on Toby Keith's CD Shock'n Y'all. I've got my work cut out for me… honestly, I'm gonna kill the next #er I see with scissors, its hard enough to write when they don't cut the guidelines off the page…

Sorry about that, I got a little… odd there for a moment. Anyways, I'm promising that I'll get at least 1 chapter WRITTEN for each series every week, and at least one POSTED every 2 weeks for each series. I've also got a 4th series in the works, but I'll wait on that for a while…

Anyways, I'm sure you didn't click on this story to hear me ramble, so lets get to the story…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

She couldn't take it anymore. After all that she had done for that little swine, after all she had done for the team, they all still treated her like some "Creepy girl". It wasn't her fault she was forced to act like this on the outside. Inside, she was a battlefield of conflicting emotions, in a way literally.

And worst of all, she was forced to do this. To protect them all, she had to do this.

Now I will tell you what I've done for you… 

She wanted to tell them, but she knew they wouldn't listen. So she simply flew out one night, out of her room and high over the city, and screamed her soul to the uncaring sky.

Raven shouted in frustration and in pain to the stars. For years she had trained to eliminate all emotion. But these people, her friends… they brought all the horrors back to her. She felt things around them, and it took all her energy to conceal it. And conceal it she must.

**50,000 tears I've cried.**

**Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you,**

**And you still won't hear me (going under).**

The gothic girl knew what was happening. It had happened before, a long time ago. She was losing control.

The emotions tore through her body, each trying to gain control. Meanwhile her consciousness fought a losing battle to keep them all at bay. Ocassionally one would break through, with explosive consequences.

At first, she had been able to lie to the others, saying it was an isolated incident that caused her to lose control. But as time went on, she was able to use this excuse less and less. Screaming had worked for a while. It let out any excess emotion without destroying anything, but there was always the chance that she would be heard. And so she had gone to the most effective way of concealing her emotion.

As she screamed, she raised her hands into the air, tugging at the purple hair cascading to her shoulders. Cuts shined in the starlight, fresh blood still dripping from the wounds she had given herself. Many other scars could be seen crisscrossing her arms in the torn sections of her sleeves.

The others, despite her constant warnings to them about the dangers of her emotions, pressed her to be more "normal". They thought she needed… deserved… to feel the things that they felt. And maybe they were right. But she couldn't, and that was what mattered in the end.

Don't want your hand; this time I'll save myself… 

Unfortunately for her, Starfire had nearly stumbled upon her secret. The Tameranean would have ruined everything, telling the team about her self-inflicted injuries and undoubtedly resulting in them attempting to "help" her. Their help would end up killing all of them though. She was the only one who could protect all of them from this particular danger.

**Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once).**

**Not tormented daily; defeated by you**

Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom… 

Last time they had tried to help her, she had nearly died. She hadn't told any of them, and she was nearly certain nobody knew, but her powers had nearly ripped her apart. The time Beast Boy and Cyborg had helped her defeat her anger was the same… both cases her emotions had become exponentially more powerful. And both times she had barely escaped having them overcome her.

She would only be safe if she defeated them herself. Just as Terra had set out to crush each of the Titans, Raven was being forced to crush her emotions. She floated gently down to land on the streets, near the pizza parlor; she had screamed herself out for now…

I'm dying again… 

If she failed… the outcome would be death for them all. It could mean the destruction of the world, if anger got control.

**I'm going under (going under)**

**Drowning in you (drowning in you)**

**I'm falling forever (falling forever)**

**I've got to break through**

**I'm… going under…**

Raven gazed around the town. Already she had begun the fight, although tentatively. The conflict distracted her, and she walked into a pole. She felt drunk. And she could no longer tell who was actively making her move.

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies 

**(So I don't know what's real) So I don't know what's real and what's not (know what's real and what's not)**

Nothing was right with her. She shook violently and fell to the ground. She didn't even bother to sit up.

Her communicator beeped insistently, and she pulled it out and looked at the display. Beast Boy was trying to contact her. Why would she want to talk to her, especially at this hour?

Always confusing the thoughts in my head 

**So I can't trust my self anymore.**

For a brief moment, love took over her body, and she blushed and opened the communicator. But then it was past, and Raven, the real Raven, looked at the boy in the display.

"Yes?" she muttered, angry she had lost control, and forgetting about her earlier collapse.

"Rae, where are you?" Beast Boy demanded, "Do you have any idea how worried we've all been?"

Raven looked at the communicator as her heart, her supposedly cold, black heart, fell at the words. So that was what it was. The others were worried, and had enlisted him to call her.

I'm dying again… 

**I'm going under (going under)**

**Drowning in you (drowning in you)**

**I'm falling forever (falling forever)**

I've got to break through… 

Why did they care? She was just another teammate, easily replaced by any of the other heroes of the world. Maybe it was they thought that she was better than them, and it would weaken them to lose her… but did that mean she was just a fighter to them?

"Hey Rae, snap out of it!" Beast Boy shouted to her, snapping the goth out of her thoughts. She looked away, letting her hand drop; the communicator landed with a dull thud next to her left foot.

"Raven!" she heard Beast Boy yell, but now she was gone, staring into the beauty of the cloudless night sky.

**I'm… so go on and scream.**

**Scream at me**

**I'm so far away (so far away)**

Raven glanced down and grabbed the communicator. Then she snapped it shut. They shouldn't worry about her. They were weakening her by doing so.

I won't be broken again 

**I've got to breath**

**I can't keep going under**

As much as she wanted to be a part of the team… she couldn't risk them finding out. If they did, all hell would break lose. She couldn't keep lying to them though. She would drown in her own emotions if she stayed quiet. It seemed her choices were running out.

I'm dying again 

**I'm going under (going under)**

**Drowning in you (drowning in you)**

**I'm falling forever (falling forever)**

**I've got to break through**

**I'm going under (going under)**

**Going under (drowning in you)**

**I'm going under.**

Blackness suddenly washed over her, and she collapsed soundlessly in the middle of the road.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Yeah, I'm well aware that this wasn't great, but part of the bet was it had to fit in with the music, not just the lyrics. So in the next song, you'll probably notice that there is a bit of a slower story, but at parts it speeds up (like the song does).

And I do not know where I'm going to go with this story… so if I write myself into a corner…

Please review this, and ideas would be appreciated.


	3. Everybody's Fool

Well… here goes. I'm saying this now. This isn't my favorite song on the CD, and so it probably won't be the best of them. Oh well. It is fairly important to the plot. Actually… they all are important to the plot, at least the ones I've actually thought about for more than 2 minutes.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

They spoke for the better part of the day, as tests were done on Raven. Ultimately they erupted into a debate over whether to tell the others or not. They were interrupted by the doctors telling them she could go home.

Together they walked into the tower. Raven went to her room to change, and Beast Boy walked into the living room. He was going to tell the others the truth.

The room was somber. Robin sat at the computer screen. Starfire looked out a window, shaking with grief. As Beast Boy entered, Cyborg placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. They all looked over at him.

"Raven's alive," he said, a smile breaking across his face. The others seemed doubtful. After a moment, though, Starfire jumped up.

"That news is most joyful!" she squeeled, "When may we visit her?"

The others watched him excitedly as he walked to the window. It was great that they were happy, but the truth would shatter their perfect little worlds.

**Perfect by nature;**

**Icons of self-indulgence.**

He smiled and nodded, giving every impression of being happy and carefree while a moral war raged inside of him.

**Just what we all need:**

**More lies about a world that**

**Never was and never will be.**

He knew he had to tell the truth. More lies would just make it all worse when they finally found out.

He glanced into the window. His own reflection gazed back at him, as though unable to to believe he would lie about this. The accusation in its eyes was unbearable.

**Have you no shame?**

**Don't you see me?  
You know you've got everybody fooled…**

It was unbelievable that they'd believe him this easily. And then the kick came.

**Look, here she comes now!**

**Bow down and stare in wonder.**

Raven walked into the room, and waved to the others. They looked at her in amazement, finally seeing the truth.

**Oh how we love you!**

**No flaws when you're pretending…**

It was amazing. She looked like nothing had happened at all as the others welcomed her back. She gazed and Beast Boy and smiled.

But know I know. 

**She never was and never will be.**

The truth made him want to throw up. He looked away, angry at himself for not telling the others, and angry at her for continuing the charade. She had lied to them all… and the others still believed.

**You don't know how you've betrayed me.**

**And somehow you've got everybody fooled.**

Then it hit him

_What if she has even fooled herself?_ The chances of that were slim, but if that was what was happening…

Without the mask, where will you hide? 

**Can't find yourself? Lost in your lie?  
**

But he knew. And he had to tell the others.

**I know the truth now.**

**I know who you are.**

**And I don't love you anymore…**

"Beast Boy?" Robin asked, looking at him in confusion. The others were looking, too.

"Pardon?" he asked, blushing slightly.

"Robin asked if you knew Raven was back," Starfire said helpfully, hugging the demon.

**It never was and never will be.**

**You don't know how you've betrayed me.**

**And somehow you've got everybody fooled.**

"Its not what you think," he said, making his choice. He told them about Raven's cuts. The others began yelling at her; Robin pulled up her sleeves to examine them.

**It never was and never will be.**

**You're not real and you can't save me.**

**Somehow now you're everybody's fool…**

She stood there, looking forlorn and betrayed. Starfire flew away, crying. Cyborg looked in disbelief between the two Titans, Beast Boy and Raven. And Robin began lecturing Raven about the correct ways to handle problems. Raven began to weep quietly. Beast Boy sent his heart out to her.

_This isn't the last we've heard of this,_ he thought, looking at Raven's arms sadly.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

And now the rest of them know. I'm ready to start writing the next part. Anyways, hope you liked it, and please review.


	4. My Immortal

Well, so you all know, I'm grounded at the moment, and thus have been unable to write on the computer. I found my mom's old laptop and am using that though. Anyways, that's why it's been so long since I have updated.

Ok, well, here goes. Time to see how the Titans react to Raven's problem.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Beast Boy and Raven stood alone in the living room of the tower. Robin had stormed out soon after Starfire left, and Cyborg had gone to try and calm him down.

Raven gazed in despair across the room. Her friends hated her now. They thought she had betrayed them… and maybe she had.

**I'm so tired of being here;**

**Suppressed by all my childish fears.**

"Why'd you tell them, Beast Boy?" she asked. All hope was gone from her voice.

"What choice did I have?" he shot back, "We're a team. Its important that we all know this kid of thing is happening.

"Well, now they'll never accept me," she moaned, tears rising in her eyes, "I might as well leave… or die."

"Don't hurt yourself anymore. Leaving is up to you," he said coldly.

**And if you have to leave,**

**I wish that you would just leave,**

'**Cause your presence still lingers here,**

**And it won't leave me alone.**

"Raven," he said, more kindly. He walked slowly to her and softly turned her head so she was looking into his eyes, "You have to understand. We aren't mad at you. We're mad at ourselves for not being able to help you."

She pushed him away slightly with her powers, turning away from him.

He sighed, "Raven, if you're going to leave, please do it. Don't taunt us with your being here."

Thoughts were careening wildly through the Goth's head. Her friends. Jump City. The Tower. And a sharp blade in the moonlight. Did she really want to leave?

"If you stay here, I'll help you," Beast Boy said, trying to comfort her, "I'll do anything I can."

"You don't understand," she shouted at him, "Nobody can possibly understand! Nobody can help me!"

These wounds won't seem to heal… 

"My emotions, they're taking over!"

This pain is just too real… 

"And every time you try to help, every time I get closer to you, they get stronger!" she collapsed, weeping bitterly. Now he knew.

**There's just too much that time can not erase.**

**When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.**

**When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.**

Beast Boy rushed over to the sobbing girl and held her lose. She shook against him as her grief released itself.

"Raven," he whispered softly, "That's not true. I've helped you with your emotions before. Remember you're anger?"

"I nearly died that time…" she said sadly.

"But did you?"

"No… but that was just one time."

"And I was right trying to get you to say you were afraid. If you had, all of that madness wouldn't have broken out," he thought for a minute, "It was pretty cool, though."

"Lucky guess," she mumbled without conviction. She had stopped crying.

**I held your hand through all of these years.**

**But you still have…**

**All of me…**

"But still," he said, "I've always been there for you. And I always will be. And so will the others. Give them time."

Raven nodded, then looked up at him, smiling slightly. She stood and walked slowly to the door.

"Thanks… a lot," she said, looking back, "I'll see you in the morning," Then he disappeared into the darkness.

In Starfire's room, things weren't going to well. Raven, her best friend, had been hurting herself. Everything she had known about the girl had been destroyed.

You used to captivate me 

**By your resonating life.**

**Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.**

Starfire had changed so much to be Raven's friend, and now it was all wasted.

_I can never change back,_ she realized.

This wasn't the alien's first encounter with self-inflicted injuries. Slowly, she pulled her gloves off and looked at her wrists.

Many thin, light scars crossed the skin the gloves had hidden.

Back on Tamaran, the royal family was required to do some… sacred rituals. Most were normal, but some involved ritualized self-inflicted injuries.

As a child, she had done these rituals many times. Nothing had ever happened… until her father…

It had been on the most sacred holiday on the plant… akin to the Christian's Christmas.

The cuts he had made weren't anything overly bad. Starfire had made them herself several times before. But this time, her father cut a fraction of an inch too deep… he had died within minutes from loss of blood.

Her life changed that day. Blackfire had turned into the evil creature she now was that day. And her mother had died within days from grief. It was also the day Starfire had first made contact with earth… with a group of heroes starting a fledgling crime fighting force for teens.

But that had been for religion. Doing something like that for pleasure, or any other reason, was inconceivable to Starfire.

She closed her eyes, and images of her father rushed back to her.

Your face, it haunts 

**My once pleasant dreams.**

Raven's words from several days before rushed back to her. Calm. Had that been a mask, covering her true self?

Your voice, it takes away 

**All the sanity in me.**

**These wounds won't seem to heal.**

**This pain is just too real.**

**There's just too much that time can not erase.**

Starfire knew that this rift that had formed between her and Raven would never be repaired.

Her wrists twinged. All the thinking had brought the pain back.

**When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.**

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.**

**I held your hand through all of these years.**

**But you still have…**

**All of me…**

She had stuck with Raven through everything before… and she would now stick by her through this.

In the training room, Robin and Cyborg were arguing.

"Robin, we can't just leave her to fix this herself," Cyborg said, trying to stay calm.

Robin growled and threw a boomerang into the punching bag.

"What are we supposed to do? She's gone. She's by herself now, Cyborg!"

"You don't believe that," Cyborg said quietly.

**I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.**

"You're right," Robin said, hanging his head. Cyborg walked over and pulled the boomerang out, then he slowly walked back to Robin.

**But though you're still with me,**

**I've been alone all along.**

"Robin, you're the leader," he said, looking at the teen before him. Robin raised his eyes to look at him.

"You're alone like that," he continued, "but if you stick by Raven, if you lead us through this like you've led us through everything else, it'll all turn out fine."

He handed the boomerang back, then walked out.

_He's right,_ Robin thought bitterly, _She's an important part of the team… she's an important part of our family._

**When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.**

**When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.**

**I held your hand through all of these years.**

**But you still have…**

**All of me…**

_I've led the Titans through Slade, Terra, and the Hive. I'm going to do whatever I can to get us through this._

All of me… 

He walked slowly out of the door, glancing at the security panel nearby.

All of me… 

There was a red dot… but after a moment, it vanished off the screen. After several minutes of watching, Robin was sure it had just been a rat. So he went to bed.

Moments later, security picked up more movement… at the base of the tower. A shadow quietly slipped in, through a back entrance that only the Titans knew about…


	5. Haunted

A shadow slipped slowly through the tower, so silently and stealthily that not even Cyborg's highly advanced security system could detect it. How it longed to kill everyone it saw here… but that wasn't its job. It was here only to gain information right now. It turned a corner, entering a familiar hall.

Words echoed through the shadow's head… words that had been uttered an eternity ago.

Long lost words whisper slowly to me.

(insert quotes here)

Still can't find what keeps me here.

When all this time I've been so hollow inside.

The shadow reached the door of the person it longed to kill most… Raven's room, and the girl herself, were mere feet away.

Inside her room, Raven cried softly into the pillow.

_I don't want to leave!_ she thought bitterly, _But I don't know why I should stay. Its just going to cause more problems for us all if I do._

The girl took a deep breath, tightly closing her eyes to hold the tears back. She quietly tried to go back to the peaceful state that would allow her to find a solution to all of this… the same peaceful state that had, truthfully, caused all of the problems in the first place.

There was a faint noise in the hallway, and Raven sent her mind out. All she could detect was hate… hate, and a strange sort of respect. A respect she had only ever been given by one person…

She sat up angrily, glaring at the door. No more tricks.

"I know you're still there!" Raven shouted at the door, "Show yourself, Terra!"

Watching me, wanting me,

I can feel you pull me down.

Raven had known that the girl would come back. But she had been hoping it would be as a part of the team. The hate she felt coming from it, though, was more than enough proof that Terra wasn't here to rejoin.

Raven could still feel Terra out in the hall, silently watching the door, resisting the urge to answer the challenge.

Fearing you, loving you,

I won't let you hold me down.

_I can't give in to that witch!_ Terra thought to herself. She walked silently away from the door, _But I will come back, and I will kill her!_

Since she had been brought back to life, she had felt mixed feelings about the team… and about Raven. She had hated Raven so much in the end, but she still remembered that Raven had been the one that had trusted her the most, other than Beast Boy, just before she had betrayed them all. She would never forget that kindness.

Haunting you, I can smell you- alive.

Your heart pounding in my head…

At the end of the hall, Terra stopped and set her ear against the wall. She reached out with her powers, using a new skill she had learned. The entire concrete structure turned into a microphone, and it all went directly to her. But it was so much more than that. Nearly every sense was transferred to her through the cement.

Beast Boy's room… the familiar smell of him drifted to her. A mix of fur and tofu. And she could hear each of the Titans breath; she could almost hear their hearts beating.

Watching me, wanting me,

I can feel you pull me down.

Saving me, raping me,

Watching me.

Watching me, wanting me,

I can feel you pull me down.

Fearing you, loving you,

I won't let you hold me down.


	6. Tourniquet

All was silent inside the Titan's living room. Beast Boy had left soon after Raven, and the room was now dark and forboding.

Footsteps began echoing down the hall. With a loud blast, the doors flew off the hinges, slamming into the far side of the room. Starfire stood in them, holding a knife close to her chest, like she would hold a baby. The other was glowing green, a starbolt ready.

She walked into the room, knowing that this was the end. She had tried meditating the way Raven had showed her, but that had just made things worse…

**I tried to kill the pain,**

**But only brought more.**

**(So much more…)**

She walked over to the couch that she knew so well. This room… it was perfect for what she had planned. With a sigh, she set the knife to her palm, pulling it all the way up to the elbow. Blood dropped silently to the carpet as she did the same to the other arm. She slowly walked and sat on the couch.

**I lay dying**

**and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal.**

Raven… everything that Starfire had known about this place…. it had all been destroyed tonight. Everything had instantly gone horribly wrong. And now she was dying because of it. She let out a whimper of pain as her arms throbbed.

**I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming.**

Starfire didn't know what to do. All she knew was that her time was finished. The team would go on without her, she knew that. She just didn't know what would happen to her after death.

**Am I too lost to be saved?**

**Am I too lost?**

Suddenly she wished she hadn't done this… but she was too weak now to move. The blood pooled on the couch, now coating her arms and legs. She fell sideways, laying down and still holding the knife.

**My God, my tourniquet,**

**Return to me, salvation!**

**My God, my tourniquet,**

**Return to me, salvation!**

Noise suddenly filled the halls. People were out there, running and yelling… looking for… Terra?

Starfire didn't know what was happening, but there was a hope now that she might actually survive this. She wanted to give Raven another chance. And what would killing herself do for Raven? Probably only make her worse…

Terra ran silently through the halls, trying desperately to escape. The last place she had seen the Titans was somewhere near the living room. But she was on the opposite side of the tower now… if you could call it that.

Beast Boy jumped out of the hall in front of her. He from the look on his face, she knew that he was surprised to see her.

**Do you remember me,**

**Lost for so long?**

"Hello Beast Boy," she said politely, "I was just coming over to see how you were all DOING!" A large chunk of the wall flew at Beast Boy, hitting him hard and sending him tumbling.

**Will you be on the other side**

**Or will you forget me?**

Starfire moaned. They were right outside the living room, she could hear them… but they didn't come in. She had to get their attention somehow!

**I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming.**

**Am I too lost to be saved?**

**Am I too lost?**

She gazed at the pool of blood she was laying in. Suddenly she knew that it was too late. The room darkened, and a figure suddenly ran in.

**My God, my tourniquet,**

**Return to me, salvation!**

It took Robin a moment to comprehend what he was seeing. Starfire, laying on the couch, two long cuts along the inside of her arm. And a knife, which she clutched to her as a lover.

**My God, my tourniquet,**

**Return to me, salvation!**

"Starfire!" he shouted, running towards her. He grabbed the knife and threw it across the room, where it stuck, imbeded in the wall to the handle. He looked at her arms, and pulled off his cape, wrapping one of them with it.

"Leave me alone," she whispered, "Its too late… just let me die, please!"

**(Return to me salvation)**

"No, Starfire, I won't let you. We're all going to get through this, you hear me?" He pulled his shirt off and began wrapping the other arm with it, trying to at least slow the bleeding.

"No!" she shouted. He pulled the bandage and she screamed in pain.

"Please," she moaned through her pain, "I want to die!"

**My God, my tourniquet,**

**Return to me, salvation!**

Raven ran around the corner just in time to blast a boulder out of the air… right over Beast Boy. He crawled to his feet, slightly dazed, and watched the two enemies prepare for battle.

**My God, my tourniquet,**

**Return to me, salvation!**

Cyborg didn't know what was happening… but he did know one thing. Whoever had broken into the tower would have a bad time getting past the upgrades he'd been adding to the security system in the past couple days. He slid into the chair by his computer, and typed the code to activate them.

A half dozen guns appeared along the length of the hall Terra, Raven, and Beast Boy inhabited. All turned and fired at Terra, blasting her through the wall, where she fell to the ground, fifty feet down.

**My wounds cry for the grave.**

**My soul cries for deliverance.**

Starfire screamed in pain as Robin lifted her, carrying her to the infirmary. She knew she was dead, no matter what he did. In her last moments, she screamed out to her parents.

**Will I be denied, Christ,**

Robin slid on a stair feet away from the door to the infirmary, sending Starfire tumbling around the floor. Everything was turning black for her, and she reached silently out to him.

**Tourniquet,**

**My suicide…**

Starfire smiled, at him, and then her face relaxed as she was sent to eternity…

**(Return to us, salvation…)**

Robin gazed at the girl, too overcome by emotions to even move. He had failed the team. As the leader, it was his job to keep people from getting hurt… by anyone. And now Starfire was lying dead before him.

**(Return to us, salvation…)**

Raven helped Beast Boy walk to the living room, where they saw the blood lying on the couch. Following it, they saw their leader, staring at the blank face of their beloved friend.

A day later, they all stood outside the tower around a simple grave. Beast Boy had his arm around Raven, who had tears shining in her eyes. Cyborg stood silently, looking at the grave. And Robin… Robin was preparing to do something he had hoped he would never have to do…

Robin walked up to the grave, kneeling next to it and gritting his teeth to hold back his grief.

"Starfire," he said, "You were a good friend… and a great Titan. We'll always remember the little things you brought to this team, from the… the puddings, to the happiness." For a moment, he couldn't speak, as he began crying. Cyborg stepped forward and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"We will go on, Starfire," he promised her, "We will remember."

He reached back and pulled out a simple plaque, and set it at the head of the grave. He turned and recited the words to his remaining friends, standing before him.

"The world goes on, as does the evil. And she? She goes on as well… but in eternity."

Raven began crying, small rocks flying around and exploding. Nobody cared.

The Titans turned and walked up to the tower, which stood bedecked in black flags of mourning.

Robin turned just as he was about to enter and looked again at the grave. She was gone… forever.

"We've been struck down Starfire…" he whispered, "Struck down, but now destroyed."

Then he entered the tower, which he knew would never be the same again.


	7. Imaginary

1/29/05

Well, I just saw the preview for next week's new episode last night, and it gave me a bit of a creative burst (I think). Anyways, this'll probably make you think I'm a little too obsessed with Teen Titans. That preview freaked me out. I felt physically sick to my stomach when it showed Raven at the part with her sleeves torn off or whatever and with the red S on her arms and head. Raven is my favorite character by a long shot (if you couldn't tell by my stories) and so now I am nervous as hell about what is going to happen to her… I'm gonna be pissed if she dies or something.

Sorry about that, but I'm honestly not gonna be able to sleep for a while because of that… so here goes the next chapter.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was two days after Starfire's death, and nobody had really spoken since. Raven wandered the halls, unable to read or even meditate. Her scars burned fiercely, and her emotions were rising. Every now and then something would explode nearby.

The others were acting about the same… except for Robin. He had locked himself in his room, refusing to speak to anyone.

Paper flowers… 

Raven felt lost… everything was wrong with this team now… and to make it worse, Terra had come back, which probably meant Slade had as well.

Paper flowers… 

After another circuit through the hallways, she stopped in the entrance of the living room, looking at the couch. The blood had long since dried, and nobody had seemed interested in cleaning it.

I linger in the doorway 

**Of alarm clocks screaming, **

**Monsters calling my name.**

This was all a major wake up call for the Titans. Not only had a friend killed herself, but another was hurting herself, and an old enemy had returned. Raven could nearly hear Terra taunting her…

A lamp exploded nearby. Raven shook her head, and walked into the bathroom, hoping a shower would calm her down. The hole Terra had been blasted through admited the wind, which swirled around her, bringing with it memories of Starfire…

Let me stay 

**Where the wind will whisper to me;**

Raven entered the bathroom, pulling her clothes off as if in a trance and turning on the water. When it was warm, she climbed in, closing her eyes and trying hard to go back to the nothingness which she was known for. She listened to the water falling, hearing the differences it made hitting the curtain, the walls, and her own skin.

Where the rain drops 

**As they're falling**

**Tell a story…**

Raven suddenly felt her world tip. The life of her friend… she was responsible for it. Everything that had happened recently… it had all been because of her.

Raven slipped on the slick floor of the tub, landing hard and not bothering to stand up. She just stared up at the ceiling, feeling the water and drowning in her thoughts…

She was alone… alone in a world of her own creation. And nobody else could ever make her leave it.

**In my field of paper flowers,**

**And candy clouds of lullaby**

**I lie inside myself for hours**

**And watch my purple sky fly over me.**

Someone knocked on the door frantically. She didn't know who it was, nor did she care. She simply stared off into oblivion.

"Raven, are you in there?" Beast Boy shouted. She frowned. He sounded like he was scared. Still she did not answer.

There was a loud crash as the door flew open, landing on the ground. Beast Boy was a gorilla, his arms raised. He had just knocked the door clean off its hinges.

"Raven, you ok?" he demanded as he changed back and rushed in. When he saw her, he blushed and turned away, "Sorry."

Normally she would've been pissed at him… but not now. Not today.

"What do you want?" she asked, barely even moving to cover herself. The past few days had shown her the pointlessness of such things.

"I heard a thump, and I thought you might've been hurt," he said. He walked out, still blushing, "I'm sorry."

Raven watched him leave, "You don't have to worry about me."

"What do you mean?" he said, turning in exasperation to stare into her eyes, as though trying to find out what she was thinking, "In case you haven't realized, Rae, Starfire is dead. We've got to worry about each other, now more than ever."

Don't say I'm out of touch 

**With this rampant chaos**

**Your reality.**

"Beast Boy, I understand that," she said, "But I don't need you to worry about me… that'll just make things harder for me… and you." As she spoke, the sink exploded, sending fragments flying in all directions.

**I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge:**

The nightmare I built my own world to escape… 

"You have the luxury of examening this and thinking about it, Beast Boy… But if I do, my emotions will take over me. I've been forced to accept it without question, and in a way, forced to not believe. It's driving me mad!" she clutched her head as she finished, feeling her stomach drop out as if she was on a rollercoaster.

**In my field of paper flowers,**

**And candy clouds of lullaby**

**I lie inside myself for hours**

**And watch my purple sky fly over me.**

Beast Boy looked at her a moment longer, and then slowly exited the bathroom, wishing he could do something to help her.

That night Robin stood up on the ceiling of the Tower. His leadership had failed. The Titans were breaking, and he should've been able to stop it… Batman would've been able to. Any good leader would've been able to.

He stared up at the stars, searching for the one that held the planet Tamaran in its orbit. He was lost and alone now. A leader without anyone to lead… or maybe a man without a leader. He wasn't sure which anymore. He just knew that, without Starfire, it was completely meaningless.

"Why couldn't I stop her?" he screamed to the city skyline, not caring who heard, "I know I could've!"

He fell to his knees, grabbing his hair and pulling in insanity, depression, and guilt. Tears fell from beneath the mask, glinting in the moonlight, and he screamed as all remnants of sanity left him.

**Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming,**

**Cannot cease for the fear of silent night…**

**Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming:**

**The goddess of imaginary light…**

He wished he could be with her… and he knew soon he would be. The girl, the goddess, whom he had come to love, was now gone. But not forever. He would be reunited with her; they all would.

Cyborg stood down by the grave, staring at it and knowing that the team probably wouldn't survive this ultimate challenge. Even the betrayal of Terra didn't come close to this.

He heard Robin scream, and looked up at the Tower. He didn't know what was wrong… but at the moment he didn't care.

"Starfire," he muttered, "Its all been shot to hell…"

A shooting star flew across the sky briefly… and then all was calm again.

**In my field of paper flowers,**

**And candy clouds of lullaby**

**I lie inside myself for hours**

**And watch my purple sky fly over me…**

Raven still lay in the bath tub, the water having turned cold long ago. She shivered, then stood and stepped out, wrapping a towel around herself. The door still lay on the ground, but she stepped over it and walked towards her room. It wasn't real. None of this was.

Starfire would be back… Raven knew that the rest would see the truth, that it was all a game, or a joke.

Paper flowers… 

In her heart, she knew it was a lie. It was all real. And it was going to rip the team apart.

Paper flowers… 

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Well, that's it for this chapter… And I'm not sure how good it was. Not as good as I wanted. Oh well. I'm still kinda concentrating on that preview…


	8. Taking Over Me

Beast Boy lay silently in his room, the only that wasn't driven to extremes over the loss of Starfire. Though he was sad, he remembered something Raven had told him long ago: Everyone died, so there was no point fearing. Death should be celebrated, because it meant that the person was no longer bounded by the limits or pains of their mortal bodies. And now he saw that it was all true.

He was more concerned about Terra's being there. With the team being as down as it was, the last thing it needed was Slade or Terra to come in with a lucky shot and get someone else. That would completely destroy any chance of rebuilding.

Several hours after Robin stopped screaming, Beast Boy was still thinking about this… He had to have a plan for if Terra did decide to strike.

You don't remember me 

**But I remember you…**

It wasn't healthy to think of this though. He tried to shake the thoughts from his head. He needed sleep. At the moment, it seemed only he was thinking normally. Even Cyborg was having difficulties. He hadn't left the grave for over 12 hours last time Beast Boy had checked.

I lie awake and try so hard 

**Not to think of you.**

The darkness of his room sent chills down his spine. He felt like he was being watched. He hoped Raven was ok. He thought about the good times he had had with Starfire… mostly so he wouldn't be thinking about Terra.

Finally, he fell asleep.

But who can decide what they dream? 

**And dream I do…**

Terra was walking with him through the carnival. It seemed like years ago, but at the same time, it felt like it was just happening. Beast Boy didn't know which it was… or was it both?

He woke up covered in sweat.

**I believe in you.**

**I'll give up everything just to find you.**

Terra… she was the key to everything. Somehow, it all went back to her.

Despite all of this, he knew that he had to be with her. She was like a drug, and he was hooked to her. She was the only one who he had really gotten along with. She was the only one who he had loved, and who had loved back.

**I have to be with you,**

**To live, to breath.**

He liked Raven, too… but he was sure that he would end up with Terra, if he "ended up" with anyone. Besides, Raven didn't care about him. Briefly he remembered running into the bathroom. He shook the images aside with some difficulty. He might like Raven… but he wasn't going to be perverted and think about it all the time.

Instantly his thoughts went back to Terra.

**You're taking over me.**

He couldn't help it… he needed her.

**Have you forgotten all I know,**

**And all we had?**

_Does she even remember any of that?_Beast Boy wondered, _Does she even care about what I thought of her?_

You saw me mourning my love for you… 

How many times had he visited her body, encased in rock, since her sacrifice? Hardly a week went by without him making the journey with a couple flowers, or something. Once he had even brought a pizza down… almost as though he expected her to come back and share it with him.

Now he felt certain that she had been conscious of what was going on. He was sure that she had seen all of that.

And touched my hand… 

**I knew you loved me then.**

He remembered back to the carnival. That night, when he had truly been his happiest, he had learned the truth. Back when she had still loved him. Back when he thought she was real.

**I believe in you.**

**I'll give up everything just to find you.**

**I have to be with you**

**To live, to breathe.**

**You're taking over me.**

Somehow, he would find a way to bring her back. He knew she wasn't lost. He knew that Starfire would've wanted him to try, at least. He stood and walked into the bathroom, standing on the door, and splashing water from the still-running shower onto his face, since the sink was destroyed. He looked into the mirror, seeing the circles under his eyes. And he saw something else there…

I look in the mirror and see your face… 

He knew it was her. This had happened to him so many times before.

"Terra, why did you come back like this?" he muttered to the imaginary reflection.

**If I look deep enough.**

He felt ripped apart. He was loyal to the team, or what was left to it. He was loyal to Starfire. But he loved Terra… and maybe Raven. He thought back briefly to the hospital, the day he had brought Raven back from the brink of death. But his thoughts were jerked back to Terra.

So many things inside that are 

**Just like you are taking over…**

Why couldn't he keep control? Why did he keep thinking about Terra?

"Starfire, help me!" he yelled, looking at the ceiling. No answer came.

**I believe in you.**

**I'll give up everything just to find you.**

**I have to be with you,**

**To live, to breathe.**

**You're taking over me.**

He stumbled back into his room, collapsing on his bed and staring at the ceiling in disgust. There was no way he was going to sleep again that night.

**I believe in you.**

**I'll give up everything just to find you.**

**I have to be with you,**

**To live, to breathe.**

**You're taking over me.**

_Why do I have to love her?_ he thought to himself as the agony of it all threatened to drive him to Raven's "relaxation techniques", as he had begun to call them.

Taking over me… 

She was evil, he knew that. But hadn't her sacrifice proven she wasn't?

You're taking over me! 

Was that good action enough to make up for what she had done as Slade's apprentice?

Taking over me… 

How was her situation different from when Robin had been Slade's apprentice?

You're taking over me! 

A rock flew over the tower, a figure standing motionless on top. It's long golden hair flowed out behind it.

Everything it had been looking and listening for, it had gotten. And despite the feeling of uneasiness, she prepared for the final defeat of the Titans, her… friends…

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Well… I'm still concentrating on that preview… I told you, I'm obsessed with the show, and Raven is my favorite character. Maybe that's why when she dies in my stories, its something really painful… because when/if I kill myself, I'm going to make sure its painful… trust me, my suicide would make national news if I did it the way I've planned… and yes I have planned it out. Aren't I prepared?

Anyways… I'm not actually thinking about doing it, but should the need arise, I'm ready. And as for what Raven told BB about death (at the beginning of this chapter), that's completely my idea. That is my belief about death, and that is partly why I'm not afraid of dying. The way I see it, a couple minutes of pain for an eternity of paradise is a pretty good trade.

Random thought of the evening: Have you ever noticed how much you can tell about a person by their eyes? I'm going to refer to people I know in real life for this one. First is me. I have hazel eyes with a black (or brown) ring around the very edge. My personality is depressed, or angry, or just nothing… but I act like I'm happy (like I'm the funny guy). I surround my true personality (the hazel) with a shield of lies (the black).

Also, I know a girl with pure black eyes. I mean, there's the whites, which don't have veins or discolorations or anything in them, and then there's pure blackness. Its kinda creepy, but really cool looking. Anyways, she acts like she doesn't care about what people think about her. At the same time, she always tries to hide her eyes, because honestly, they freak a lot of people out. She rarely looks people in the eyes. Anyways, she has a lot of contrasting things like that about her… nearly everything is contrasting. This is symbolized by the black and white in her eyes. Oh yeah, her hair is also black, and her skin is extremely pale… I have no idea how it stays so pale, she's outside a lot more than me, but it is. And she nearly always wears a black windbreaker. This is another contrast to her which is mirrored in her personality.

Ok, well, look at stuff like that. PS, When I watch shows (especially TT), I look at the eyes. Maybe that's what freaked me out with the preview. Raven's eyes go all funky… and yes I did just say funky.

Anyways, I've gone off on my random thought process long enough. Next chapter'll be up soon, and guess what. It deals with Robin going insane about Star's death. Surprise, surprise.

Sorry about rambling, please review. The idiot (me) would appreciate it.


	9. Author's Note I'm Back

So… I feel like I owe everyone an apology. After all, you were expecting me to write more, and I was going to… and then I didn't. I've been meaning to lay off them for a while, but I found a bunch of other people's stories that I've printed out/saved onto my comp (Raven A. Star and Taiba, this is largely directed towards you, lol) and it made me feel nostalgic… So I went back and was reading all the old favorites, and then I decided "Hey, I'll read the reviews people sent me", 'cause I haven't done that in a while…

Anyways, the point is, all of them made me remember how much joy I took in writing (even when I thought that people would hate my stuff), so I'm going to try starting up again. If you go to my bio, I'll have a list of what you all can expect to have finished, and I'll TRY to update at least once a week. Please keep in mind, quality is going to be more important than keeping up with that deadline, so if I don't update as consistently as I planned, I'll have another coming soon.

Anyways, sorry for those of you who saw the alert in your email and thought this was actually new… but I promise to get something up for you soon. Please, feel free to drop me an email or will both work). Talk to you later.

Kyle Monaco


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